Why Do People Resist a Positive Change?
The phenomenon of people praying for a positive change in their lives, but when the chance finally presents itself, they refuse it – interests me on a personal level. Why hold keys that can’t open new doors? Why keep looking at the same landscape if you don’t enjoy it?
Over the years, I’ve changed many times. Small changes eventually accumulated to become big and profound. No big change happened instantly—it was the fruit of repetition, willpower, and discomfort.
I use the word discomfort because it’s never comfortable to do something that goes against your habits. (Originally, I wrote “nature,” but habits often go against our true nature).
Change is difficult. It’s hard work. And let’s be honest, it’s rarely clear what will come of it.
But we have to believe that something will come of it—that change is possible if we act differently.
If you believe you can’t change, you’re right.
But if you believe you can change, you’ll also be right.
In my view, this phenomenon happens for a few reasons:
Comfort and Familiarity
The unknown evokes mixed reactions. For some, it’s thrilling; for others, terrifying. The phrase “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” reflects this mindset. Even when circumstances are less than ideal, familiarity feels safer than the unknown.
Change introduces new challenges. It forces us to confront vulnerabilities and step into discomfort. And for many, that discomfort isn’t worth the perceived risk. Security, even in mediocrity, often feels more appealing than venturing into unpredictability.
Lack of Understanding About the Change
Change often feels overwhelming because it’s unclear. Why is it necessary? How will it impact me? What’s the end goal?
Without clarity, the uncertainty feels overwhelming, creating fear and resistance. People feel lost when there’s no roadmap, no explanation of what lies ahead. Without communication and transparency, uncertainty often overshadows the potential benefits of change.
A Perceived Loss of Control
Change often feels like losing control. Suddenly, you’re not in the driver’s seat—you’re being pushed or pulled in a direction you didn’t choose.
Control is central to human autonomy, and when it’s threatened, we instinctively resist. Even when the change is clearly beneficial, the process of surrendering to something external can feel unsettling. Empowering people to have a say in the process helps alleviate this fear.
Discomfort with Leaving the Comfort Zone
Your comfort zone is safe, predictable, and familiar. Leaving it means stepping into uncharted territory.
The discomfort comes from the unknown and the risk of failure or rejection (which will be your biggest teachers in life). Growth requires this leap, but the fear of what lies beyond often keeps us anchored where we are.
Mistrust in the Process
Trusting the process is no easy task. It requires letting go and allowing others—or circumstances—to guide you.
Being in the “back seat” feels vulnerable. You don’t know the route, the destination, or what challenges lie ahead. This mistrust isn’t always about others; sometimes, it’s rooted in our own fear of unforeseen consequences.
They Don’t Believe They Deserve Better
A lack of self-worth keeps people stuck. If someone doesn’t believe they deserve better opportunities, relationships, or outcomes, they won’t seek them out.
This mindset creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. They settle for less, avoid taking risks, and miss the chance for growth. To change, they need to first change the way they see themselves.
Not Changing Provides an Excuse Not to Try or Succeed
Sometimes, staying stagnant is a defense mechanism. If you never try, you can’t fail. If you don’t act, you can blame external circumstances rather than take responsibility.
This mindset protects the ego but robs the individual of growth. It’s easier to say, “I didn’t succeed because I never tried,” than to risk trying and falling short.
I suggest a simple three lists for true change
1. The “To-Do” List
This is where you focus your energy on tasks that align with your goals. But don’t make it a random collection of tasks. Let it be a roadmap—a clear guide to where you want to go. If you don’t know your destination, how will you know when you’ve arrived?
2. The “Stop Doing” List
Identify the habits, excuses, and distractions that hold you back.
Stop drinking. Stop making excuses for why you haven’t achieved your goals. Stop doing things that bring neither joy nor success.
3. The “Don’t Do” List
This list is for the future. It’s for the things you’ve never done but must keep in mind as you grow.
For example: Don’t forget the people who helped you when you needed it.
Don’t focus on what drags you down. Whatever you focus on- grows.
Clarity Brings Change
I’ve seen so many people grow and thrive after starting Krav Maga training, but I also see many who hold back from making the change. Most come to me because they feel afraid—afraid of violence, unsure of themselves, and lacking confidence. The irony is that the thing they fear most—stepping out of their comfort zone—is where real growth begins. Through training, they don’t just learn to defend themselves; they find strength, courage, and self-respect they didn’t know they had. This change can improve every part of their life, but they have to take that first step. The rewards are worth it.
When you have a clear vision of who you want to be, what you want to do, and the legacy you want to leave behind, all the other questions will become clear.
The way will reveal itself to you. I promise. I also promise it will be hard. But remember: Mountain peak views are a gift reserved for those who climb their way to the top. True success is standing at the summit, feeling the breeze, and knowing you accomplished something worthy.
Do something amazing,
Tsahi Shemesh
Founder & CEO
Krav Maga Experts
